Friday, August 9, 2013

Cleaning Out My Closet

Cleaning out the closet has been so very therapeutic. Trying on all my clothes in front of the long mirror on my door, I have actually been looking at my body with out this intense loathing. Wow! It has taken me nearly 4 decades to get here. What? You mean to tell me I am not disgusting? That I am perfectly beautiful? When did that happen? I was telling Mike before he went to bed, that I have wasted so much time being miserable in my body. Flat miserable. Wasted, all those years. I could have been having fun and being happy and wearing clothes that I loved. But I didn’t. I was hiding from the world, from myself, inside myself. (I still do and will, but that’s a different post.) All because I was convinced that because I was fat, I was disgusting and unworthy and no way would I, could I ever be beautiful. Or even sexy for that matter. But I am. Sexy. Beautiful. Worthy.

Life is wonderful. I am going to live. And wear fantastic clothing. That I will find thrifting. *grin*


  1. I used to absolutely love my body, but the past 5yrs or so have taught me to hate it. Which I hate, but can't seem to get over that first hill.

    1. It is so tough, to take your self from self hate to self love. The journey through this ecourse, is helping me to see there are so many others out there that struggle with the same issues that you and I struggle with. Not only that, but there are people who want to stop hating themselves and their bodies, to renew their self worth. Reading their stories of struggles and triumphs helps me to feel connected. Seeing those who have overcome the self hate is an inspiration. It is like fuel to the fire inside me and has been a wonderful tool thus far. Yet it is just that, a tool. My mind and thinking about myself had already began to change. I simply got sick of feeling so low all the damn time because I was fat. It is a miserable life. I wish I could tell you there is a magic button to make it all go away, but there isn't. It takes work. The negativity is so ingrained in us, that it takes commitment to get it all out.

      Here is your mission, should you choose to accept it.
      -Stand naked in front of a mirror that will allow you to see as much of your body as possible. Look at it from all angles. Twist, turn, move. Look at your body and SEE. FEEL. A lot of that shit is going to come out. Be prepared for it. Feel it all, cry, get mad, yell. Do what you have to do to express all that emotion and pain and negativity that comes up. GET IT OUT.
      -Once the emotions have subsided and you are spent, look again into that mirror and begin to say positive things to yourself. Even if you don't believe them at first. Find something, anything you like about yourself, body, personality, talent, anything and go from there. Be warned, this too will bring on the feels, likely as not.

      This will not fix everything but it's a damn good place to start.

      Jenna, my dear, you ARE beautiful. It's time you saw it again.